girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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