Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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