The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize