The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
