I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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