My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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