Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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