everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize