all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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