dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
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I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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