ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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