and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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