Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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