and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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