I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
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Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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