Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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