well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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