I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize