i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize