I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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