When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
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I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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