He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
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When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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