You smell like a Billy Joel song
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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