I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize