I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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Being responsible doesn't make memories.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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