Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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