The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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