You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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