Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
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I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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