im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize