Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize