that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize