Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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