Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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