1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize