I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize