Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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