Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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