Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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