I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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