Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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