yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
