Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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