you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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