Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
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My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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