but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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