Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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