What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
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If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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