Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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