Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At least make sure they are 18
Why
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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