there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize