I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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